Bought my 6th manga volume today. Perhaps I knew this would happen, but yeah, I didn't feel the victory anymore. It happened with RustBlaster and 07-ghost volumes before I spilled the beans. Perhaps now because I made it known to the world that I don't feel happy anymore?
Or perhaps the fact that my urge had stopped but my act of buying it meant that I was addicted and that's horrid isn't it.
I feel terrible after buying it and I don't know why.
I just feel so irritable and odd like how I felt when I went out with her the other day to Clarke Quay. It was so weird cause I didn't mind it before. I really liked it before, but now its just a bother? And now I don't dare to post because i'm worried that it may affect my future. Perhaps it doesn't really matter.
So...I don't understand myself sometimes, why I do feel upset, why I feel depressed at times because there is nothing to mood over. Its like I can't accept something.
Religion is meant to help people isn't it? I know it is. Rhetorical.
Torn between fear and acceptance. Toeing the line, but where is the line?
what if I crossed it? condemnation? Why isn't there a format to life?
Again. Rhetorical.
I know deep inside I know the answer, but why is it so hard to follow instructions?
Why can't I be like instant noodles?
1. Open the packet
2. Cook with hot water
3. Result= instant noodles

why does my life seem more like:
1. Follow the instructions on the packet: Open the packet
2. Cook with hot water
3. Result= ???

Its not according to plan and instruction. Its not predictable.
Of course, that I know, is everyone else s' situation too, isn't it?