2014

2014 began with me wishing Happy New Year to various people. I don't know about you, but it kinda saddens me this year.. because the list keeps dwindling. Friends I keep in contact with frequently decrease steadily over the years. Should I be glad of this or feel sad over it? What is important to me? What are my dreams? I used to believe that I was too lazy, too passive to achieve all these goals in life I set for myself. I keep thinking, dreaming of all the possibilities, but I do not realise these fantasies of mine. But now, I have began to feel as though there is no point in achieving these things. No doubt there will be a sense of accomplishment if I ever attain them, but to what end? So what? I can't seem to see the point anymore. It scares me honestly.

Maturity? Change? I know what is important to me, but it seems as though the only thing hurting it, threatening it is myself.

Change? To what extent? What is this emptiness I feel? What is this overdose I feel? When can I find an equilibrium? When can these changes ever stop? Or is it because everything changes that I have to change as well? Nothing feels good when things are stuck, nor when things keep changing, in this ever flowing river of Time.

The answer has always been there. The road,  the path to enlightenment. I have put it off too long haven't I? The true answer to peace is change. How ironic. How exhausting.